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it seems to hone the edge of intensity, to take your emotions to a new plane, a level, a dimension you never figured was there."

Over a series of conversations, each lasting a couple of hours and the whole spanning a week or more, she filled me in on how the whole thing had come about.

When it all began, she was at a rather critical point in her real-time life. She and her husband of many years were on the verge of breaking up, their problems having escalated to a point that seemed to admit no solution.

"I have a physical problem thanks to which I cannot go out and work. And you know what real time friends are -- never there when you want them the most. So I was increasingly turning to the Net, to chat sites, to escape my loneliness, to forget my misery.

"One day, life dumped on me, big time! My world crumbled around my ears. After a particularly acrimonious argument, my husband decided to walk out, then and there. He was banging around the house, packing. And I was on the Net, looking for I don't know what.

"It so happened that just at that time, some character decided to make even the Net miserable for me. He came in to the chat site using my handle, and got very abusive, saying things and speaking in a manner I never would use. And suddenly, this person I had never exchanged a hello with, even, took off on the impostor. He told the imp that while he could copy my handle, there was no way anyone would ever confuse the two of us, said something like, "She has style and class -- you are just scum!" I was touched, frankly. I mean, to get support like that, just when my world was collapsing...

"Next time I saw him on that site I posted a '*hugs and kotc* (kotc being cyber shorthand for kiss on the cheek). Somehow -- I guess his server was not doing too well that day -- he missed it. So I posted again, and he missed it again! I guess in a spirit of fun and pure mischief, I posted him, as a private message, a proper, lip to lip, kiss -- and said, "Let's see you ignore that!"

"Next thing I knew, I got a private message from him... returning the kiss... and the last line was something like, "Tucking my finger under your chin... tilting it up... and placing my lips to the base of your throat to taste your heartbeats!" And I was like, wow! I mean, it probably sounds sleazy and cheap when you say it in cold blood, but, at that time, the words he used were so good, the phrasing perfect, the thoughts so poetic, I was lost...

"Next thing I knew, we were in a private room, talking to each other. And all this while, my husband was packing, flinging things around, it was all happening out there and I was feeling wretched. Used, abused, unloved, unwanted...

"And here, in a private chat room, was this guy who the only thing I knew about him was his handle, and he was being so very supportive. Listening to me while I talked it all out, helping me calm down, seeing things from my perspective, helping me understand that what was happening was not my fault, above all, giving me my self respect back. I guess that was when I fell in love with him!"

"I remember that day," the groom told me, when I asked him about it later (Essentially, what I was doing was talking to her, then him, then her, attempting to piece it all together).

"I mean, what can I say? A human being was hurting. And for that moment in time, was totally, completely, utterly alone -- and I know from bitter experience that there can be no more frightening thing in life than that. So how was I to leave her in that stage?

"I thought back to a period of utter despair in my life and realised what I had missed most, then, was a person -- any person -- who would sit with me and listen to me and let me pour it all out, the anger and frustration and hurt and sorrow... and that memory helped me realise what she needed at that time. So I was that person, for her -- the person I had missed in my own time of need."

"While I was deep in conversation with him, the front door slammed behind my husband. I heard the station wagon starting up, taking him out of my life and, you know something? I didn't even get up, didn't run to the window, nothing...

"I just sat there and told him everything, every single facet of the relationship my husband and I had shared. My faults, and his. My failures, and his. And when -- I didn't realise till later that hours had passed and he had put aside all work to be with me -- I had talked myself to a standstill, he very calmly helped me understand that, whatever the rights and wrongs, a door had shut tight on a part of my life. That banging on that door would only hurt my knuckles. That it was time to look ahead. He was telling me, it was like, at that point, the computer hard drive had crashed and all my files, the history of my past, was lost -- so what was I going to do about that? Was nothing I could do, right? So what, then? Open a new file titled 'Tomorrow', and start afresh! And while he talked, I listened....

"I remember reading somewhere about the Wailing Wall of Jerusalem. About how you go there and it is a brick wall and you just lean your head against it and talk and cry and unburden yourself of everything -- and people who had done that had written that they left feeling incredibly lighter and happier. For me, that time, he was my Wailing Wall... and guess what? A while later, I was sitting in front of the computer, giggling helplessly at some of the things he was saying."

"The best therapy for pain is laughter. I mean, when I feel blue, I read a funny book. So I figured, when she got calm again, that she needed to laugh, so I told her about a funny thing that had happened in the office earlier that day and about something amusing I had just finished reading...

"Actually, work for the day was shot to bits. But when I finally logged off, I felt good. It was, like, I had helped a human being who really needed help that day. Compared to that, what is a few files seen or not seen? So I went home feeling light and happy...

"And, funnily enough, the minute I got back to work next day, the first thing I did was to check my email. There was a letter from her and the sight of it gave me a pleasant glow and I replied to her. And then raced through work so that I could be free by the time she woke up and came on-line. I just wanted to know how she was coping.

"We met. Talked more. She told me about her life, I told her about mine. And again, we spent hours together, talking. Sometimes, when she got on the subject of her real-life problems, I would just reach out and hold her, comfort her, gently stroke her hair, cool her down..."

"Yes, I know what you mean," the bride told me when I asked her what this was all about? I mean, how do you hug a person and comfort her across hundreds of thousands of miles?

"Let me see if I can make sense of this to you. Say, in real life, you are hurting. And a friend, or husband, or lover, reaches out and hugs you -- what exactly is that hug? It is, externally, a physical caress. But what it really does is send a signal to your mind, right? That this person is there for you, that he or she cares, that he or she shares your pain. In other words, the hug itself maybe physical, but its effect is on the mind.

"So, when I am sitting before my puter, telling him my troubles and just when the act of recounting them begins to bring the tears to my eyes, he instinctively senses my distress and I get a post from him saying, "Pulling you into my arms, holding you close against my heart, rocking you gently and murmuring soothing words to you." The impact, as in a real life hug, is straight on my mind and my heart. And I draw comfort from it. And strength.

"Oh, another thing, it is not as if this is for me to take my troubles to a caring partner and for him to do that too. We share much, much more -- we share our laughter, we exchange notes about our families, our world, we discuss things we've read and liked, find web sites and exchange them. And since we are from different worlds, different cultures, he tries to show me his India, also his present residence, and I try to show him America through my eyes

"A relationship is about sharing everything and that is exactly what we do. There are things I haven't told a soul, which I have shared with him, there are things about him no one else knows about, which he has shared with me. It is a relationship of support and caring, but also of love and of laughter and understanding.

"I guess what I am saying, here, is that the Net is merely the medium -- it is the message that counts!"

Illustration: Pramod                                                                More