Paula Radcliffe says she felt depressed, embarrassed and ashamed after leaving the Athens Olympics following her tearful exit from the marathon.
The 30-year-old has never considered retiring or taking time out, however, and says she now wants to put the events of last month firmly behind her.
"For a while it felt as though I would never get over it," she told the Daily Telegraph on Wednesday. "I was extremely depressed and exhausted and struggled to see beyond what I had lost and how hard I and many others around me had worked for it.
"I didn't want to go out and face the world, feeling embarrassed and ashamed and unable to handle concern and sympathy, let alone criticism, without breaking down," she added.
The world record holder and pre-race favourite, who has never won a title at a major championship, led for the first half of the marathon but, having dropped to fourth after nearly two hours of the race, stopped six kilometres from the end.
She tried to restart before slumping by the side of the road in tears.
Radcliffe, who ran in the 10,000 metres five days later and failed to finish that race as well, said her Athens experience had been the most traumatic of her life.
Although it was extremely hot and she was under great pressure, Radcliffe believes her problems were mainly caused by an injury sustained two weeks before the Games, when a quad muscle went into spasm after a training run in Spain.
INJURY TREATMENT
A haematoma was discovered on the underside of the muscle and her coaching team were unsure whether she would be able to compete. Radcliffe, however, underwent an aggressive line of treatment to enable her to run in Athens.
"The period was extremely stressful and I was unable to sleep with worry some nights and suffered an upset stomach from the high doses of anti-inflammatories," she said.
After 10 kilometres of the marathon her legs began to feel weak and she had stomach problems, and Radcliffe eventually realised she could not push her body any further.
"It's most likely that I had run my marathon just to get to the start line," she said. "The anti-inflammatories and stress upset my bowel so that I was unable to absorb enough energy and nutrients.
"I make no apologies for stopping. I've wondered before if sometimes I might push my body too hard. Now at least I have the answer, I do have a safety button.
"That night was the worst of my life. My body hurt all over but my heart was totally broken."
Radcliffe said she felt angry at media stories about the reasons behind what happened in Athens but said she was now trying to focus on rebuilding her body and morale.
"I feel angry and hurt and am determined to learn from the mistakes I made, but I don't doubt my ability to become stronger and wiser as a result," she said.
"My dream is postponed, not over, and as soon as I am ready I will set new goals on the way to my next shot at it."
