Right on the kisser
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Lip service: Mamta Kulkarni. Click for bigger pic!
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Mamta Kulkarni took a faceful of mouth recently. Here is how it all happened.
The fertility goddess who -- may no one ever forget -- climbed the staircase to fame holding up two pods of pendulous body fat, got the treatment at Bombay airport just before her departure for Hyderabad for the final schedule of Raj Kumar Santoshi's China Gate.
Mamta, chaperoned by her mother, was caught off-guard when the fan came, smooched and lighted off. Though he was relying on the experienced woman to take it nonchalantly, he decided not to take any chances.
MK lost her cool and hollered for airport security, while wiping the spittle off her lip gloss. But Romeo had scooted. A fuming lass was chivvied on to her aircraft. And she was just sitting down when she looked up. There was familiar head before her, the one she'd seen the back of just after her recent osculatory exercise. And on the other side of the head that bobbed before her was the offending instrument that had proved complement to her own.
She rose in confusion and chagrin. "It's him!" she said. Or, you know, words to that muddled effect.
Willing hands settled on the man. Correction, they'd have been more willing to settle on the lady herself, but there we digress.
Mamta finally had him. And mothers -- barring Mamta's experienced one -- covered their children's ears, and grown men blanched in horror as Mamta waste-treated the plane with a rich, steady and colourful stream of abuse.
Prurient adjective preceding putrid profanation, grubby gerund modifying polluted pun. By the time she let the pursers let the man loose, they all hared off to the bathroom.
Rumour has it that when they arrived at Hyderabad, there was still soap in their ears...
Past imperfect...
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Nice going: Akshay Kumar. Click for bigger pic!
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Yeah, we haven't heard much of Akshay Kumar recently. But he's alive all right, and kicking hard in every one of his five upcoming films, all for release in April. A quintiple-whammy. Expect no less from the action hero.
The titles are suitably macho -- Barood, Vidroh, Keemat, Zulmi and Angaarey. Time for Akki to draw himself together. Last year, he and then girlfriend Raveena Tandon split in a gush of glossy newsprint.
Akki was looking so low that directors were considering attaching a mop to his jaw to sweep the sets. And is he silent? Earlier he used to lug along a cricket kit to the sets but after the current clutch of setbacks, he's keeping them in mothballs.
With five releases ahead, and one Raveena behind, he should cheer up. Doesn't the future look great for him at long last?
Cindrella's turn
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More Josh please: Priya Gill Click for bigger pic!
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Sploosh. Now that we've washed off the depressing effects of the last item, we come up with a juicy one, christened Priya Gill. Maybe she wasn't actually christened, being a Sikh and all that sort of thing.
But, woe me, isn't that tears we see in her eyes too? What happened to the one who'd built up much on her Tere Mere Sapne? Apparently, ever since, no film-maker's called her up to the dance.
But she must cheer up, now that Shah Rukh Khan has insisted that she be paired opposite him in Mansoor Khan's Josh. And then she has some other plum assignments up ahead, hasn't she? But she'd do well to pare down her ego first...
Hey, hey, wait, somewhere back there I said Shah Rukh wormed his way into Josh. Wasn't it Aamir Khan, you might ask?
Ah, there we're ahead of you. For Aamir quit after he and cousin Mansoor blew a couple of fuses together. Heroine Rani Mukherjee also stomped off when she found that boyfriend on celluloid had collected the sack. Of course, scuttlebutt has it that Aamir himself suggested she get out when the going was good.
Sheorey's gambit
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Play boy: Shantanu Sheorey. Click for bigger pic!
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Shantanu Sheorey is just wrapping up Jadh, based on the Marathi play Thank you, Mr Glaad. The adman has now bought over the rights to another powerful play Hamidabaichi Kothi, the one that played a big role in Nana Patekar's career. Maybe Sheorey hopes it will do some good to his too.
Shantanu also plans to use someone of Nana's calibre, and who better than the firebrand himself? But for the mo, Shantanu's hyping Jadh and hero Arjun Rampal as landmarks in Bollywood history. Quite the right thing to say since both are going to be up on display soon.
Yoks in a name
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Odd idol: G R Khairnar. Click for bigger pic!
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Khairnar and Ek Aur Khairnar were among the films announced on the life and destructive times of the incorruptible former Bombay Municipal Corporation official.
And now comes Suitcase Ke Tandoor Mein Hawala Kand, made with masala ground into the camera lens and based on scams that shook the nation -- Harshad Mehta's claims of having bribed a former PM, who goes under the pseudonym Rao the Pout; the alleged burning of his wife by Congressman Sushil Sharma; and the hawalascam that had Parliament split -- we're discussing politics here, not humour.
The cast is yet to be decided; the film is being made by one Dhanpat Mehta. But rumour has it that it will go down in history as the film that shook the nation -- with laughter.
Still on name-calling, there's a Kannada film with no title being canned. Of course, the registrars would have none of this tom-foolery so, to humour them, director Upendra called it A. The man debuted with one Tharle Nanna Maga which floated awhile, and, later Operation Antha. Then he shortened his titles -- his next two offerings were Sh and Om. Both runaway hits.
Perhaps he decided that shorter names make for longer-lasting films. Ergo, the untitled one, which hopefully will run on till infinity.
Gruff exterior
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Mush within: Salman Khan. Click for bigger pic!
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Salman Khan's the kinda guy known to scrunch rock dust with his morning cereal and have a Kirloskar heavy duty where his heart oughta be.
All untrue, it appears, for recently he went off to meet a terminally-ill child and also a function intended to fulfil his last wishes. Can't have been publicity for he had tears in his eyes. And knowing his thespian limitations, we can resolutely affirm that every one of those lachrymal drops were the genuine stuff. He also donated Rs 10,000 to the child's family.
Recently, he even chastised his staff for driving away a bunch of street kids who were trying to catch a glimpse of their hero.
Bless him, the man actually came out and waved to the children. And then he told his men to keep the doors of his van open so that the kids could glimpse him.
Anything for the audience, seems to be Salman's new motto.
Jinnah isi ka naam hai
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The human phase: Jinnah. Click for bigger pic!
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A turn of leaf for Jinnah. Courtesy, the Limeys.
The documentary, Mr Jinnah: Making of Pakistan peeks into the hidden aspects of the Qaid-e-Azam's life, dwelling on the human more than the humongous. That naturally made for some mixed reactions when an abridged version was telecast on Channel 4. The Pakistanis fell upon it savagely; the Indians didn't mind that it showed the maker of Pakistan in some ambiguous light.
The film has an exclusive -- the first-ever, we think -- interview with Dina Wadia, Jinnah's only child and textile tycoon Nusli Wadia's ma. Dina, who lives in New York, we hear, blasted successive Congress governments for not giving Jinnah his due.
Jalan defects to Bollywood
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Grabbing honours: Ashish Vidyarthi. Click for bigger pic!
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We wind up on a sombre note. At least for all the Bengalis reading this.
Calcutta thespian, Shyamanand Jalan -- Reserve Bank Governor Bimal Jalan's brother, we might add -- has turned to Hindi. Mookabhinaya being his first directorial project.
Ashish Vidhyarthi and Pawan Malhotra play the lead roles in the NFDC film whose script is courtesy Vijay Tendulkar.
Tollywood's loss, Bollywood's gain. Ah, well.
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