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Boy, these Aussie are so full of it. Sure, they are, currently, the best team in world cricket. (Not all time. Even though, they'd like to believe theirs is the best team of all time.) Sure, they've beaten the pants off every team they've played over the last year or so. (Except the South Africans. Who, if the current series' incidents are anything to go by, are also just as full of it. But that's a different article.) Sure, they can teach the world a thing or two about playing better cricket in all departments of the game. Sure, in Steve Waugh, they have one of the sharpest minds in the game. But to brand the 'others' as paranoid! Now that's taking things a bit too far. (And asking for trouble from good ole' reactionary me.)

So where am I coming from? Well, from a little piece in The Hindu (4th January) by Malcolm Comn, reporting on the day's proceedings from the fifth Test. In which, besides the paeans in praise of everything Australian, out popped an 'oh so Aussie' accusation. One that referred to how teams like the Windies and India were, in his esteemed opinion, tended to 'over-react' to some of the decisions going against them. (Ask Michael Holding and his little black book, and he'll tell you about a different score card he's keeping. One that keeps track of the number of decisions for and against the Aussies. And the score doesn't read anything like honest and honourable for the Aussies.) The article went on to add that the Indians, in particular, were so paranoid about the umpiring that they lost sight of the fact that they were outplayed in all departments of the game.

Time to separate the facts from the crock.

Yes, we were well and truly outplayed by the Australians. And it doesn't matter that it might have a bit to do with the kind of think tank we sent. It doesn't matter that it might have had a bit to do with the power play that was taking place behind the scenes. It doesn't matter that the idiotic Mr. Jaywant Lele, who, for some unfathomable reason, still happens to be around, went on record saying that India would be white-washed. What matters is, we were beaten. Not necessarily fair and square. But definitely, by an infinitely superior team. (So what if it might have had something to do with the fact that we didn't send a team. We sent a bunch of guys who seemed to have their own private agenda. (An agenda that must have brought more agony to Sachin than anything else in his outstanding career.) But paranoid! Now that's one hell of a 'bosey.'

And coming from the people who carted cartloads of baked beans to India. From the people who made noises about playing in 'polluted' Delhi. From the people who refused to play in Sri Lanka. From the people who make just as much, if not more, noise about umpiring every place they go. From the people who, shamelessly, gave their 'prime target' Sachin, out lbw to McGrath when the ball hit his upper body. (Even though the honorable Mark Taylor felt it was only a 'bit iffy'. That deliciously ambiguous word again.) From the people who gave Sachin out bat-pad off the pad! (At a time when Sachin and Saurav were taking the attack to the Aussies in that series-defining first Test that pretty much set the trend for the rest of the series.) From the people who condone the Hairs of the world for their diabolical acts against Murali. From the people who will do anything, I repeat anything, to win.

From the people who will not bat an eyelid at the abuse their rogues will shower at the opposition but will get all judgmental when they get a dose, even if only a very small dose, of it back. From the people who stole the third Test from the Pakis. (When that nick against Langer that could be heard all the way up to the moon, was not given.) From the people who got after Shoaib Akhtar, and inside his head, just because they felt he was a prime threat and needed to be broken. (By any means necessary.) From... should I go on? These are the people who have the gall to call us paranoid.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines paranoid as an unjustified fear of persecution. (Or something.) Maybe the Aussies have a different definition for the same word. Fact of the matter is Australia is just as bad when it comes to umpiring. In fact, considering the jingoism, aggression and hunger to win that is almost genetic, not bad just inherent, their foibles are that much harder to stomach. It's all very fine to be the best team in the world. But to blatantly accuse others of paranoia is just not done. Especially, when the evidence (snickometer, 900 camera replays... and the like) clearly shows that Mr Malcolm is on a sticky wicket.

Your turn Mr. Malcolm. And, Mr. Warne and Co., the next time you come to India try not to bring your big food brands with you. We do have Heinz and the like out here, you know. Just look around. Or maybe you're the one that's a tad paranoid.

Avinash Subramaniam

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